Celebrity Hearts fan Kenny Richey has publicly declared his sadness about not being able to cheer on his Gorgie heroes in person in the forthcoming all-Edinburgh Scottish Cup Final. Richey, a well-known diehard Jambo , had hoped to attend the fixture with several other celebrity jambos, including Ronnie Corbett and Stephen Hendry and ..erm…that’s it actually.  The former death-row Scot is said to be ‘devastated’ about missing the match, but hopes to watch on Fox Sports if his prison guards let him. Richey had recently been linked with a move to the Tynecastle club, where he had been offered work in credit control.

Alex Salmond, in turn, has derided the PM’s idea, branding it as unfair and opportunistic. “The Scottish People will decide when we get another crack at these bastards, besides, we have no chance of surprising the government army at Nairn  with the A96 in its current single-lane state”.

Scottish Labour refused to be drawn into the debate until they had consulted with their Westminster counterparts. We were unable to obtain any comments whatsoever from the Liberal Democrats, as our intrepid reporter almost fell asleep whilst on the phone to former Scottish Lib-Dem leader Nicol Steven.

When asked which side he thought the Scottish Regiments in the British Army would join, Soap McTavish CBE, GOC of the British Army in Scotland replied “Who the fuck are you and what are you talking about? Are you even a real journalist?”

The debate continues…

Just for fun, IC 2012.

The Wolfe Tones return with a brand new album featuring some old favourites and some wonderful new material. Having spent almost half a century writing and singing the ballads and songs of Ireland, the ‘Tones show no signs of losing their magic, either on stage or in the studio.

The new album ‘ Child of Destiny’ is possibly one of the band’s most diverse albums, but fans old and new alike will not be disappointed with the 17 tracks on offer.

The title track is both catchy and mature and sets the mood well for the rest of the album.

Tommy Byrne also revives an old classic, ‘The First of May’ with a new synthesizer arrangement to compliment the strings, and one can easily tell that this is one of his favourite songs of all time.

There’s the topical track ‘ Swing a Banker’, whose content is self explanatory. The toe-tapping ‘ Uncle Nobby’s Steamboat’ and an eponymous track about the freedom fighter Anne Devlin are also highlights on the album.

There are two great new songs for Celtic fans, The ‘Tones themselves being ‘Hoops fans, one song which correctly points out that, despite accusations from various bodies, fans of the Glasgow side don’t sing sectarian songs. Admiral William Brown makes a welcome appearance near the end of the album and the other tracks are as diverse and enjoyable as one would expect from the Irish legends.

For me, the two stand-out tracks are ‘Siobhain’ , an up-tempo number written about one of the boys’ daughters, and ‘Hibernia’ by far the stand out track of the whole album. Hibernia is a lyrically powerful and musically magical tale of the Irish Diaspora and its resilience in the face of adversity over the years. The string, vocals and synth arrangement on ‘Hibernia’ make it a true classic, and yes, I’d say that even if the song didn’t mention Hibs, Scotland’s original Irish team (in origin). Hibernia isn’t a Hibs song, but it’s a cracking Irish one.

All in all, Child of Destiny is a moving, entertaining and enjoyable album, well worth every penny, and a worthwhile addition to any fan’s music collection. Wolfe Tones, we want more….

‘Child of Destiny’ the new Wolfe Tones album is out now on Dolphin Records and on sale via the Wolfe Tones Official Website http://www.wolfetonesofficialsite.com/

Ian Colquhoun 2012

Please see my credits for details of what I’ve been in. Depending on the nature of the work, my basic rate starts at £150 per day. Accomodation and/or travel expenses are required for jobs outwith central Scotland.

Full injury details FAO potential castings:

Since age 24..

Right leg amputated below knee

left leg amputated below knee

fingers on right hand amputated to the first knuckle.

thin burns scar on my chin, left side.

Burns scarring to chest, abs, lower arms, and what’s left of my legs. Doesn’t take much to make my wounds look fresh, and they are also easily covered.

Areas NOT burned at all – Face, head, back, genitals, upper arms, bottom, neck.

Scotland’s premier amputee actor.

When one thinks of  King William III AKA ‘William of Orange’  one’s mind usually conjures up images of the Protestant champion of Europe who symbolised  Europe and The Vatican’s  struggle against France in the late 17^th century. In the UK, and particularly in Scotland and Northern Ireland, ‘King Billy’ -as he is known by some- is seen by many to symbolise British Protestantism , the Protestant Ascendancy over the Catholic majority in Ireland, and as the man whose ‘chairman of the board’ approach to monarchy replaced  the mystical, god-given right of Kings symbolised by the man he ousted from the English throne after a palace coup in 1688, his uncle and father in law, King James II and VII. And of course, more crudely, he is seen as the white horse-riding victor at the ‘battle’ of the Boyne on July 1^st (not the 12^th) in 1690 just outside Drogheda.

However , closer examination of his intentions towards Ireland make his idolisation and  veneration by many British protestants seem, at best, mis-informed and, at worst, ridiculous. This article mostly concerns his attitude towards Ireland, and going by the evidence I have studied over the last few years, he would be spinning in his grave at the way in which he is remembered by the descendants of those who fought for him.

William only ever sent an army to Ireland in the first place because his rival, King Louis XIV of France, had lent the ousted King James a French brigade with which James hoped he could win back at least one part of his kingdom. Louis himself saw Ireland as nothing more than a handy recruiting ground for his armies, and as a place to divert William and his European allies from the main conflict that was engulfing Europe. Think of Europe at the time as a chess board . Louis’s move. French Brigade sent to Ireland to bolster James’ 17^th century army.  Check. William has to move troops away from Flanders to Ireland. 18^th century army sent to Ireland. An almost identical campaign happened on Sicily at around the same time.

William’s home country, the only one he ever really cared about, The United Provinces- what we would now call The Netherlands- had been torn apart by religious warfare since the 1500’s as the Catholic Spanish and then later the Catholic French  tried to conquer it. Contrary to popular myth, around half of the Netherlands was Catholic throughout this period, and the religion of Dutchmen was by no means a reliable indicator of which side a Dutchman would take in the endless series of conflicts that tore the country apart. Catholic Dutchmen fought alongside their protestant countrymen against a succession of invaders, while many Dutch Protestants sided with the invaders rather than their own countrymen. Of Course, religion is often seen by ignorant people to be the cause of wars, but the reality is that all wars even the aforementioned conflicts, and the Crusades, Thirty Years’ War and Islamic Conquests, are about money and power – religion is a factor in getting men to fight, but can be blamed no more than greed or avarice, which are wholly human causes. Religion doesn’t cause wars. Human beings do.

William, a poor general but an astute politician, realised this  early in his career. He saw monarchy as a wholly human institution, not anything to do with the divine right of Kings, more to do with the divine right of those who have money and influence to rule over those have not. In other words, in the Netherlands, he was more like a President.

It was with heavy heart that William accepted the invitation by 7 English traitors to invade England in 1688. He had no wish to harm his Uncle and Father in law, King James II and VII, and indeed, no desire to seize the English crown. His only concern was that the powerful standing army belonging to James ( 20,000 men in a field force and another 20,000 in garrisons across ‘Britain’) would join France in its war against The Netherlands. There is little if any evidence to suggest that James would have used his army in this way -  he maintained such a force because he was, with some justification, distrustful of some of his own subjects, unsurprising given that their fathers had executed his own father after defeating him militarily.

When William landed at Torbay in Devon on 5^th November 1688 with 15,000 Dutch soldiers , he had nevertheless rolled the dice. His choice of landing place was no accident – James’ powerful army had ran amok in the region  in 1685 after defeating a protestant invasion and local rebellion led by James’ own nephew, The Duke of Monmouth. They had easily destroyed Monmouth’s army at the Battle of Sedgemoor and then ‘pacified’ the region, killing or transporting thousands of locals suspected of aiding the rebels. Consequently, William was greeted by many in the south-west as a liberator.

The reasons James’ army failed to similarly crush the invasion of 1688 are complex. His army by then, thanks to increasing hostility from parliament to James’ dream of religious toleration for all , contained many Irishmen and Catholics. A few hundred  protestant soldiers defected to William, but James still had the stronger force and could easily have crushed William. It was the defection of Colonel Churchill, later to become The Duke of Marlborough, that made James’ nerve fail. Churchill was his best friend and his best General, James meanwhile, though he had proven himself no coward fighting on the continent during his years of exile and when he was Duke of York, and as admiral of the English navy, only had experience of commanding hundreds, not thousands, of men.

While negotiations took place, both armies ended up waiting on opposite sides of London. When James’ daughter Anne also defected, James began to fear for the life of his infant son James and tried to flee to France, but was caught and cheered back to London by jubilant crowds. Unconvinced of the loyalty of some elements of his army however, James fled a second time, to the protection of Louis XIV of France. Which played right into the hands of his enemies at home and was a major propaganda victory for the ‘Williamites’

William, for his part, claimed that he had come only to restore ‘English liberties’. But with James gone – after he had disbanded his army  to spare the country a third civil war,- parliament decided that James had abdicated. Curiously, communication between the two suggests that they still liked each other and neither wished the other any harm. It was all about politics.

William and his wife Mary – James’ daughter, were offered the English Crown jointly but under new terms. They would be heads of state but would have no real control over government or foreign policy. Much is made of the Bill of Rights read at their coronation, but that Bill was not about ‘freeing the common people’, it was actually more to do with preserving the status-quo. England/Britain has never had a ‘real’ revolution. The events of 1688, like those of 1642-1660, were all to do with the English upper classes who sat in parliament getting a better deal for themselves, and giving them freedom to become even richer.

History has called the events of 1688 a ‘glorious revolution’. It was neither. It was a palace coup, not a revolution, and neither was it glorious’ i.e. bloodless. Hundreds of James and William’s troops were killed in battles at Wincanton and Reading in 1688, thousands were to die in Scotland when The Scots dealt with these events from 1689 onwards, and thousands more would die as a result of this ‘revolution’ when it came to Ireland.

In Scotland, William’s army was destroyed by a Scottish force half its size at the battle of Killiecrankie in 1689, but the Scots/Jacobite Army’s leader was killed at that battle and his army lost heart. With no options left, a reluctant Scots parliament had also offered their crown to William and Mary- William never understood Scotland, and cared for its population even less, as his ordering of the infamous Glencoe massacre shows. How any Scot can idolize this man is curious, to say the least.

King James landed in Ireland with a few thousand French Troops in March 1689, but asides them and a few good Irish and Scottish regiments who had stayed loyal to him , his army was largely made up of Irish Catholic conscripts, highly motivated as they believed, wrongly, that James would reverse Cromwell’s theft of their lands a generation before, but they were, for the most part, poorly armed, poorly led and poorly supplied. To all intents and purposes, James’ army was a 17^th century army armed with 17^th, and even 16^th century weapons. In contrast, the army William would send to Ireland to face them, was an 18^th century modern war machine with the latest weapons and training, and far greater numbers.

Hardly any English regiments were sent to Ireland for what has become known as the Williamite War – at least until James had left Ireland, as William, quite correctly, thought that they lacked the stomach to fight their former beloved King. Indeed, during the campaign, many English and Scots regiments on the mainland were confined to barracks.

Why James decided to face William at The Boyne is a point of much debate, even to this day. This can again be explained by his experience being of commanding battalions rather than armies, whereas William, average General that he was, WAS a general.

James should have fought William in the Moyry Pass just north of Dundalk, or he should have defended Dublin. The Boyne was an ill-fated compromise.

As for the battle itself, James had about 25,000 men, William had about 36,000, most of whom were continental mercenaries. Over 60 thousand men faced each other in 3 small engagements over an area of about 40 square miles. The main action, at Oldbridge where William’s army crossed, was fought between 26,000 of William’s men and about 8000 of James’. About 500 men were killed on each side. Casualty figures often claim James lost 1500 men, but one of his ‘French’ regiments , which was actually made up of German prisoners of war, defected after The Boyne without seeing any action, yet they have been included in the Jacobite/Irish casualties.

Contrary to myths written by the victors , James’ army retired via Duleek to Dublin in good order, their commander being one of the last to enter Dublin. They were able to do this because William forbade his own army to pursue James’ force. William had no desire to kill or capture James, as that would have created enormous difficulties for him, both on a personal and on a political level. What William wanted was for James to leave Ireland as soon as possible so that he could also leave Ireland himself and get back to the main struggle on the continent. William had no love for Ireland and was only ever there for 2 weeks.

Two big myths about the Boyne have endured. An old lie that James turned up in Dublin after the battle complaining that his Irish troops had ran away only to be told by Lady Tyrconnel ‘It is you sir, who have won the race’ is exactly that, a lie. James arrived in Dublin at around 10pm as he had been overseeing the organised withdrawal of his army, and in any case, Lady Tyrconnel was in Limerick at the time- not Dublin.

The other myth concerns the Ulster protestants in William’s army at the Boyne. William’s elite Dutch Blue Guards were a Catholic regiment who carried the Papal banner at the Boyne as The Pope funded and supported William’s enterprise against France. France was a militantly Catholic country, but the Vatican saw King Louis as a great threat to their own authority, and was appalled at Louis’ attempts to use Islamic Ottoman Turks against his protestant enemies in Eastern Europe.

When the Blue Guards were across the Boyne but suffering heavy losses to James’ best units, his cavalry, William’s ADC asked him which regiment should be sent across the river to assist them, suggesting a crack Danish unit. William, who was happy to cash in on the support of Ulster settlers but personally viewed them as little more than cannon fodder, sent his Ulstermen across the river next. There was no sentimentality in this move. William was heard to say to his staff ‘My Danish soldiers cost my exchequer money. Send in the men from Ulster, the dead cost nothing’ and then with a patronizing speech, he sent the Ulstermen across the river.

When James went back to France to plead for reinforcements, William left Ireland too, leaving his Danish general in charge of mopping up. The Franco-Irish army was defeated in Ireland’s bloodiest battle at Aughrim a year later, on July 12^th. Even then, with William’s instructions, favourable peace terms were offered to the Irish, now commanded by Patrick Sarsfield. The Treaty of Limerick as it became known promised the Irish no reprisals for supporting James, promised them freedom of worship and an end to persecution, under the condition that Sarsfield’s men either sailed to France, joined the Williamite army, or simply piled their arms and went home.  Most Irish soldiers chose to go to France in what became known as ‘The flight of the Wild Geese’.

This pragmatic peace deal was made in good faith by both sides, that is to say, Sarsfield believed he had gotten the best deal possible for Ireland, while Ginkell the Williamite general, acting under William’s specific instructions, also made the deal in good faith. Even when, just after signing the treaty, a huge French fleet arrived with reinforcements and  supplies, Sarsfield refused to break his word of honour and the truce stood.

William of Orange had seen what religious intolerance and persecution had did to his own homeland of the Netherlands, and saw that the only option for a peaceful Ireland was a quasi-secular parliament , free from ascendancy, with people of neither faith or nationality to be treated unequally. His idea for Ireland’s future government is almost like an early  draft  of the later republican sentiments of McCracken and Wolfe Tone, themselves also protestants. William wanted a peaceful Ireland without religious intoleration, persecution or bigotry- much along the lines of his own Dutch Republic, where Catholic and Protestant, by then, lived in harmony.

This considered, William is in some ways more like an early Irish emancipation advocate rather than the Arch-Protestant Papist hater of myth. If ,you read the sources and don’t believe football bus propaganda or misleading folk songs.

Sadly, William had acquired the ‘British’ and ‘Irish’ thrones because he was to be a new kind of monarch. A hands- off type, more of a chairman of the board than an autocratic Leviathan. He could ask his parliament for things, but they could refuse and there was nothing that he could do about it. Those were the ‘terms and conditions’ of his contract as monarch. The English parliament tore up the treaty of Limerick  almost as soon as they read it, and not only ignored William’s pleas for a reasonable settlement for everyone who lived in Ireland, but instead introduced even harsher penal laws that were to endure in Ireland for nearly two centuries, and lead to millions of deaths. William’s sensible idea for sensible government for Ireland was ignored by his parliament, and there was nothing he could do about it. He died in 1702 after falling from his horse , breaking his collarbone and contracting pneumonia. His horse had tripped over a mole-hill, and in many parts of Scotland, many still toast the mole who caused it.

Incidentally, next time you see  someone  waving a flag showing William crossing the Boyne on his white horse, remember that image is from a painting of the siege of Namur in Belgium some years before. William was mounted on a coal-black charger at The Boyne. Oh, and the OO was set up in the 1790’s and opposed the abolition of the Irish parliament in 1801.

I make no secret of the fact that William is one of my least favourite characters in history, but I find it odd that he is idolised by the very type of people he hated – bigots, marching bands (he HATED them, and parades), and some Scots and Northern Irish.

So,  you may be asking, what is the moral of the story? Well, it’s simple. Everyone from the island of Ireland, no matter whose side they fought and died on, was a victim. A pawn, in someone else’s game. James and the Stuart cause were never really Ireland’s cause, but they were the native Irish’s best hope, with hindsight. Every Irishman, North man or South man, and indeed any foreign troops killed in the Williamite War, died fighting for two quite despicable ‘Kings’ , who were happy to lead them to their deaths, but even more happy to abandon them to centuries of  sectarian violence once their huge ‘ duel’ in Ireland had been settled. Ultimately, as with nearly all of the troubles in Ireland, religion or nationalism were not the true causes. The cause was, and always has been, English foreign policy. Divide and rule.

Compiled from primary sources, Lenihan’s ‘1690- battle of the Boyne’, J.Childs’ ‘The army, King James and the Glorious Revolution’, and with the help of respected author and historian, Owen Dudley Edwards.

Brian, Noel and Tommy are delighted to be returning to the Granite City and fans will hear all the old favourites, and some new material.

Tickets cost the usual £20 and are available from One-Up records in Belmont Street, Aberdeen, OR online via www.tickets-scotland.com. The gig is already selling quickly. Don’t miss what will be a great night with Ireland’s greatest balladeers.

The gig is listed on the band’s official site here  http://www.wolfetonesofficialsite.com/tours.htm

aberdeen gig

Tickets cost the usual £20 and are available from Tickets Scotland in Rose Street, Edinburgh and Argyle Street in Glasgow, or via their website http://www.tickets-scotland.com. Alternatively, if you want more than 15 tickets, get them directly from me to avoid booking fees. I might even deliver them in the central belt, if you’re nice. Just drop me an email through this site if interested. If you want less than 15 tickets, go to Tickets Scotland. Tickets are already selling very quickly.

The gig is listed on the ‘Tones official website here  http://www.wolfetonesofficialsite.com/tours.htm

Some new Wolfe Tones songs will be premiered on the night.

Support on the night will be from Stevie Dodds, back by popular demand.

Fans are advised that, as usual, nowhere in central Edinburgh lets people in with football colours on, no matter what the team, so to make life easier for everybody it’s the usual arrangement – No SPL colours, no trainers, no track suits etc. Thank you for helping us out with this.

Don’t miss out!!

Slainte. Cheers, Ian.

poster

The 24 news cycle of late has been largely dominated by the ‘revolutions’ currently occurring in the middle-east.  Though it is encouraging to see what at first glance appears to be a proletarian based phenomenon, the region’s importance geographically, commercially and strategically , means that changes there will inevitably lead to changes for us all, some in the short term, others in a much longer period.

The duplicity and hypocrisy of ‘western’ governments in denouncing totalitarian regimes but  supporting said regimes in the middle-east is well documented and widely accepted as being ‘the lesser of two evils’, which of course really means ‘we’d rather they had a nasty government than an Islamic one.’

It’s great to see Egypt’s people demanding more. So they should. But anyone who thinks this will be a permanent arrangement is at best, optimistic and, at worst, deluded.

A leading U.S General today stated that IF the Suez Canal was closed his country would have no choice but to take direct action. We all know what that means. This is nothing new.

In 1881, the once mighty country of Egypt was under Ottoman Turkish rule, governed not by the Sultan in Constantinople but by his Viceroy , or to give him his correct title, the Khedive.

The Khedive’s regime in Egypt was corrupt, militarily incompetent and saw most of the ordinary people live in poverty. The best Egypt’s young men could hope for in life was not to be conscripted into Egypt’s Army and sent to The Sudan. A rich elite governed Egypt with an iron fist while the fellahin of the Nile Valley were little more than its slaves. Then along came Colonel ‘Arabi Pasha.

Though an officer in the Ottoman army, ‘Arabi Pasha was an Egyptian through and through, and hated to see his country in such a state. Crippling debts to western powers soaked up most of the country’s money and left Egypt like a beggar, despite the world’s most important trade route, The Suez Canal –owned by Britain and France- running though their country.

‘Arabi Pasha , with full support of the Egyptian Army and people, deposed the Khedive and set up an interim military government to oversee a transition to a new civilian government. Does that sound familiar? ‘Arabi also declared the Suez Canal to be Egypt’s and announced that all foreign debts were to be defaulted upon, much as Nasser did during the Suez crisis of the 1950’s.

In 1882, as in the 50’s, Britain would tolerate neither the threat to Suez, her vital trading artery, nor the thought of lost revenue from Egyptian debts.

‘Arabi’s Egyptian army initially beat of a hastily assembled British expeditionary force, but was soon routed by the main Imperial force under General Wolsely at Tel-el-Kebir in the Nile delta. ‘Arabi was exiled and most of his surviving soldiers later allowed to be sent to their deaths in The Sudan in a futile expedition against radical Islam in 1883.

The British installed the deposed Khedive’s son as a puppet ruler in Egypt, with license to do as he pleased as long as nothing disturbed the vital canal.

Britain acted too hastily in deposing ‘ Arabi. They tried to save face internationally but in reality all this did was to destabilize a much wider region.

By destroying and then disbanding Egypt’s army, Britain actually made the threat to the canal WORSE.

With no reinforcements or supplies coming from Egypt, it took a radical Islamic revolt in Egypt’s huge neighbouring colony of The Sudan barely 2 years to wipe out Egypt’s army in The Sudan and establish a Shariah state in its place.  This new Islamic state – the first and only African country to oust its imperial masters by force of arms alone- threatened not only to consolidate its power in The Sudan, but to inflame the entire Islamic world and was a much bigger threat than ‘Arabi’s Egypt would ever have been.

British soldiers sent to The Sudan in 1884-85 to evacuate Europeans won a series of impressive but ultimately pyrrhic victories against The Sudanese, the only achievement being to prove that small European armies could crush vast armies of ‘savages’.

Paradoxically, Britain then created and trained a new, better Egyptian Army which not only successfully defended Egypt from a Sudanese invasion in 1889, but was by 1896 strong enough to invade and ultimately reconquer the Sudan – albeit with the backing  of a British Brigade and gun-boats.

When The Sudanese kicked out the Egyptians – whom they labeled ‘ unislamic’- in 1883, all they really did was substitute foreign tyranny for a far worse home- grown tyranny.

Egypt itself was to remain a British colony until the 1940’s. Its governments since have governed like modern versions of the Khedive. All for the rich elite. It is a wonderful thing that this may change. But be wary.

Egypt’s interim government is clearly just Mubarak’s government without Mubarak. That is plain to see. There are probably dozens of would be ‘Arabi Pasha’s’ in her army, and who can blame them?

The Sudan now has oil deals with China, which might indicate that , for the time being, Suez will remain open, but the canal has banks in Egypt too, and it is doubtful that a ‘new’ Egypt won’t want to maximize its revenue and prestige by playing the ‘big man’ over the canal. That is why when the dust settles, in Egypt, as in the other countries currently experiencing change, we are, sadly, more likely to see similar  governments in place with a new face to them.

The big fear of Europe in the 1880’s was the Islamic revolt in the Sudan spreading across Arabia and Islam uniting to rid the region of foreign influence. That was in the days when there was no Israel to further complicate stability in the region.

What the Egyptian people really need to ask themselves is ; do they wish to swap a local tyrant for one in Washington or London? Let’s face it. There’ll be war if any more anti-western regimes take power in the region, though no doubt western intelligence has already began to attempt to subvert that.

Egypt could always do as its neighbour The Sudan has done- make friends with China, whose ships account for more than 50% of traffic through the Suez Canal. Though one suspects that Egypt has been the plaything of greedy foreign powers for long enough- its people deserve something better, let’s pray that they get it, and that Europe’s (and the USA’s) legions need not descend upon the cradle of civilization once more for another war over money and resources.

A new phrase was added to the diplomatic gobbledygook phrasebook recently when the west alluded to having a ‘moral responsibility’ towards Egypt. ‘Moral responsibility’ really means ‘ The Suez Canal’.